There comes a time in one's personal growth that you have to come to terms with statements that you have made. Promises that escape your mouth, prayers that you may have even prayed. OMG, don't I wish I hadn't made certain statements.
We make simple statements all the time. "I am patient person," "I am loving," "God use me." Until you are in the place where that is tested, am I really? We may pick and choose how we display certain points of our character, but our character is put to the test everyday. As a Christian, I know I am tested everyday, but I never really thought about it. That is, until I had been confronted with recent experiences, where I really had to practice what I had been speaking to others about.
My journey to getting the courage to write this blog, led me to having to forgive people and moments in my past. I went deep into the process, dealt with what it really meant to forgive. Dealing with my past really helped me to grow, and I loved letting go and feeling that sense of peace. But dealing with forgiveness in the present is a....Whole. Other. Story.
I'll be honest, it is very easy for me to cut people off and not have to deal with the messy side forgiveness in the present. Unless they're family, I can find ways of not having to approach the subject or the hurt and have passive, superficial relationships. Easy peasy, go on with life and if I feel like dealing with that later, I can and I will. Yeah, but that not the way that my life is situated right now. It hurts, it nags, it follows me to bed and it's still there when I wake up. I have to deal with it now!
I really tried avoiding it altogether. And, like someone had just taken a pillow and clocked me in the face, the scripture came to me, "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence on mine enemies." 'Yes, God, these people are just awful, but if i must be in front of them I will', I thought, but it still kept being repeated to me. I prayed and mulled over that scripture for a whole week and really sought understanding. I didn't want God to tell me to forgive, I still wanted to be upset, get angry and confront it in my own time. But, the peace that passeth ALL understanding, will not only guard, but guide your heart and mind, and I am subject to that authority. I didn't get the whole scripture all at once, and it was almost like I had forgotten my
entire bible, because that was all that kept getting repeated in my head.
I was about to share with a group of ladies, what I felt God was saying to me, and just to be very sure, I wanted to get the exact text. I took out my Bible app and search for the passage, it was then I received the entire message. The rest of Psalms 23:5 says, "thou annointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over." In the moments that I was sharing with these ladies, everything changed and my message was no longer about the hurt, it was about staying in a place where it may be uncomfortable, in order to get your blessing.
God may not always place you in comfortable situations. He may not always place you at a table with your friends, with your cheerleaders, with those who know who you are and what you stand for. He may need to place you somewhere, where it may be rough, so that you can sharpen your skills, where He can anoint you, so that your blessing may. That's what I needed to do. I wasn't supposed to run away, I needed to get into practice and trust God.
My favorite coach, always says, "some of your lessons may come wrapped in sandpaper." And most times those lessons are the ones that lead you to the greatest blessings. Remember, Psalms 23:6 does go on to say, " Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life."
I had to be reminded, this blog isn't for me. It may be my stories, being typed by my hands, but my purpose isn't to entertain or get myself at pat on the back. This blog is for the person who reads these words and knows that they are for him or her. And I'm not sorry if this comes across preachy, because this is just what it had to be today. I am a vessel allowing myself to...Get Caryed Away.